.... Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism
my hatchling and her BFF enjoying a day off school - "chillaxin' "as they call it
It's been awhile since I last blogged. Living the bohemian existence, one cannot always afford internet service. Sometimes one must make a choice between these things. Sometimes one is trying to cut costs and corners wherever there is a possibility of shaving off a bit of expenses in order to get one's car insured and road- ready so that one can access employment so that one doesn't have to live so deep below the poverty level. All the while maintaining and meeting the needs of a growing hatchling, which incidently includes internet access for homework, etc.... so here I am - back by popular demand!
Which brings me to this post. It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, which gives my daughter a long weekend off school. And no school means "sleepover time" with giggling teens in the next room, strumming of guitars and beautiful voices harmonizing, video game tournaments and potato chips and popcorn and baking of cupcakes. And me in my sacred space (diningroom turned into bedroom/office/meditiation room.).
Being the non-traditional bohippians that we are, this year will be different for us. Hatchling has one of her BFFs staying with us until Sunday, and will then go to her friend's house for Turkey dinner and all the traditional feasting for my hatchling, the meat lover. This is the first time in 15 years we will be separated on this day of thankfulness, but it's all good. I get to go with my people to a vegan Thanksgiving dinner....lots of dishes made with the seasonal "orange" fruits of mother earth. Squash and pumpkin and yams... apples and cranberries and whole grain goodness.
So on this gorgeous sun-shiney day of fall - my favourite time of year, I will blog a Gratitude post.
As my whole identity seems to be hang on being the best single parent I can be, I am giving thanks to the great spirit, mother earth and all of our ancestor spirits and guides and guardian angels for their assistance.....
* my hatchling and our continued bond of love and trust and openness. I am always ready for her teenage spirit to rebel, but she's so so so good and decent in every way, and is an absolute gift to be around. She is such a loving and happy person; her peers and teachers adore her, and I am so so so blessed every single day, to be her mother.
* thankful that she is so much wiser and emotionally solid than I was at her age. She is off to a great start in her 2nd year of highschool after a successful, happy and fun year of grade 9, and finishing the year on the honour roll, and making her mark.
I give her kudos for branching out into extracirricular activities and leaving many of her elementary school friends behind in the "smoker's pit". I am reminded at how easily and quickly a kid can go down the wrong road, and I am also amazed at how my hatchling kicks ass at peer pressure. She has a great head on her shoulders, has incredible focus and is emotionally solid. She blows my mind with her intelligent choices and social skills to deal with day to day life at highschool. It 's scary and difficult to outgrow your best friends from elementary school, but sometimes that is the case, when your 15 year old self grows and expands and some of your best friends go off in different directions of self-sabotage or irresponsiblitiy or suddenly develop a resistance to all matters academic.
paint your face and look as weird as you want "Spirit Day" at highschool
* Perhaps the scariest part of the single-mothering gig is carrying all the worry, all the stress, all the coping and all the solutions on my own shoulders. I've never needed a tag-team set-up for taking care of her. Although incredibly exhausting, I've never complained or asked for help in raising this little human being on my own, rarely even left her with babysitters. But the times that scare the shit out of me, as a single parent are the worst. There is no father...nobody who loves her as much as I do and that's sometimes very frightening to me. I recently had to put my hatchling through some medical tests, including a cat-scan of her brain, where I learned that I myself have grown quite strong and solid and capable in the face of stress. She was diagnosed with, sometimes dipilitating, migraines. While I feel so bad for her, and responsible too, (as it's genetic), I was never so grateful in MY LIFE to learn that her brain and body are perfectly healthy and that migraines can be dealt with. The other possibilities were
very very terrifying for me to think about.
very very terrifying for me to think about.
* And finally, I am grateful for my friends and family members whom I know I can turn to in times of crisis, when I feel overwhelmed , need parenting advice, a coffee outing and break from the stress. Someone to simply tell me I'm holding my own, doing a great job, and my hatching is growing into an amazing and beautiful young lady. Not having a man/father figure to share and "decompress with" at the end of each day, has probably been the hardest part of being a single mom.. It's a difficult, challenging and isolating gig, but I'd gladly do it all over again.
peace & Happy Thanksgiving weekend
