this pic makes me look fat???...I am not fat!
Oh My!
My hatchling has graduated from grade 8 and will be starting high school in September. It was a magical night with our good friends & family coming out to cheer her on and hoot & hollar with me. She won so many awards! It seemed just as she took her seat again, she was called up to be given another award...I was bursting with pride....the dam broke and the tears spilled, I was so emotional, so overcome with "mom sentiment" that I had to take short gulps of air, so as not to draw attention to myself and my tears. My hatchling was paired with the winning boy in her class to give the valedictorian speech, and they concluded that speech with her singing Greenday's "Time of Your Life", while the boy played guitar. I was gone...over the edge....heart swelled with pride, and an astonishment at how comfortable and confident she is on stage and in front of a crowd of parents, teachers and her peers.
We all want our children to exceed, to excel, to appreciate the importance of getting a good education. Especially when at this age, they can't really see past next Friday night, the next sleepover party, or the next Twilight movie.
I am not a "Dr. Phil" viewer, but I did read a quote of his once that has resonated with me....
He always told his kids.... "You have 2 jobs during this time in your life....
1.- Get an education
2.- Have fun!!
I like it....and I've used it as a sort of blueprint for my own parenting.
I've never had a real plan. When you're a single mother, it just seems like you're trying to survive that day, and worry about tomorrow when it comes. I've worked throughout most of hatchling's life so far, and it's sooooo hard to find a balance between taking care of a child, giving your best effort at work, finding suitable, affordable daycare for the hours you're at work, and then coming home, making dinner, spending quality time with your child, helping with homework, cleaning up the dishes, and toys and laundry strewn about, and then collasping into bed, knowing that you must begin again the next day at dawn. Somewhere along the way, I put myself last on my list of priorites, and stopped taking care of myself.
1.~ Make time for yourself. (notice above pic of me...granted, I did have dental surgery the day before, but I'm looking old and run down....not cool.)
I have to wake up at 5:00 a.m. or stay up late into the nights to work on my own projects. And this is after working all day at energy-sucking jobs I hate.
I lived on coffee and junk food for 2 years when I went back to college when my hatching was 4. There are times when I've gone days without washing my hair (or the dishes).....weeks & months wearing jeans and t-shirts, pony tails and no make-up, no dressing up, no going out. If I ever had a half hour to myself, I was too exhausted to do anything but sleep.
It's a perpetual blur of days and nights, weeks and months and an endless struggle to squeeze in "me time" when you're a parent - especially a single parent.
My advice to you is MAKE time for yourself...from the beginning...ask a friend to come over and watch the baby while you take a long hot bath. ASK your friends and family for help. Build a support network you trust and can rely on. Personally, I need only to hang out at Chapters and Starbucks for a couple hours and I am completely recharged, refreshed and ready to resume my single parenting gig.
2.~ Embrace imperfect parenting ~ Good intentions will get you there....nobody is perfect. I was determined to be the perfect mother and put an awful lot of unneccesary pressure on myself to be just that. But it's impossible. There are going to be times that you have no milk in the fridge, mountains of dirty laundry, forget to put the stinky garbage out. There are going to be times when you have the flu and use the TV as a babysitter, and feed your child cheerios for dinner.
There are going to be times when you think you're losing it, and don't want your little one to see you in this vulnerable condition. So you lock yourself in the bathroom and breathe.....count to 10 and come out smiling and hugging your little one, and covering her cheeks with kisses, knowing that you wouldn't want your life any other way.
3.~ Nothing is THAT serious.... At times your hatching will indeed embarrass you in public, say the grocery store by throwing a tantrum in the chips/candy/chocolate aisle. I was always very silly during these times, because my hatchling never made me angry...she made me laugh; sometimes to the point where I had to bend down and hold on to my shopping cart, I was laughing so hard. Which only made her screech louder and stiffen her little arms out. When people stared, mouth agape at what a scene we were making, I'd just say, "oops, I forgot my parenting book at home". If you're going to worry about what other people think, you're fighting a losing battle. People will always judge you, whether they know you personally or not. The only one who matters is your child....he/she is the only one who will be affected by how you handle yourself in these situations. Screw the staring trophy wives filling their carts with frozen microwave dinners, while their kids are at home with their perfect husbands.....they don't live in my world....they will never get it!
Check back for Part 2!!
Hope all my American friends had a wonderful 4th of July weekend!!!
