Thanks to Jamie for inspiring me to blog today with her Wishcasting Wednesday prompt...How do you wish to bloom?
I've been quiet here for a long time. I've been in a blogging lull, a rut, a boring, uninspired and uncreative headspace.
I've been feeling depressed, oppressed, discouraged, disheartened, bummed out and beaten down.
While I've always embraced my bohemian lifestyle of fixing up low-rent, run-down apartments, living cheap, shopping in thrift stores, attaining my furniture from yard sales and curbs, I have recently reached the 4 year mark of going without a car.
And that's the killer. With spring arriving and me facing another season without a car....another summer of not being able to go places, not being able to take my hatchling for drives out in the country, stopping at fruit stands along the way, strawberry picking and to nearby cities for unique shopping trips and visiting friends...it's really REALLY starting to get me down.
I've tried so hard over the past 4 years to stay optimistic, to use our public transit system that is never on time, never reliable, and never easy driving all over the city to get somewhere 10 minutes away by car.
It usually takes me an entire afternoon to shop for groceries, and by the time I'm let off at the nearest bus stop to my home (4 blocks away) and lug home my cloth shopping bags, I'm ready to scream and give the finger to all the people I see driving past me in their cars.
And I feel so bad being the only mom who can't take turns driving the kids to the movies, the mall, to each others houses, etc. I commend my hatchling for keeping up her self-esteem, and it's so hard to hide my own feelings of inferiority while taking her places on the city bus. I've always taught her that we are not defined by what we own, or what we drive, but that's kind of hard to believe when we're riding the bus and the only other people on it are handicapped. We live in a car community and plain and simply put, anyone who can drive, has a car....period.
And now for the good news....I AM BUYING A CAR!!!!!!! OMG!!! It's true!! In the past 4 years of struggling to make ends meet as a single mom, I have managed to save $600 in an old coffee can.(pathetic amount - I know). And the other day, I used it as a down-payment towards a used, but in great shape, Ford Taurus!!! Rejoice for me & my hatchling, fellow bloggers...we are beside ourselves with excitement!!!
My dad drove used cars his entire life, so I know what to look for, plus I have a supportive and helpful guy-friend who knows a lot about getting a great deal for a used car. And this car is fantastic. My self-esteem has eroded so badly that I almost felt it was "too nice" of a car for me. A used Ford...can you imagine that? That's how much my feelings of self worth, independence and self-sufficiency have suffered from not having my own car.
I am absolutely euphoric!!! I can literally feel the depression and feelings of defeat lifting day by day. I feel alive again, I feel hopeful about the future again. I will be able to access better employment in nearby cities!
My goal is to have the car paid off, with plates and insurance and be driving by Mother's Day! My hatchling and I have a great day planned.
Happy Blooming Wednesday!!!
