And so hatchling and I have returned to our home in our little town that is a fraction of the population of Toronto. While it's good to be greeted by our kitties and relax in our cozy little apartment with our backyard and veggie garden, in some ways it's an anti-climatic letdown to come home.
Friends of mine drove up to Toronto so we wouldn't have to take the bus home with hatchling's puppy. We went out for breakfast with my brother and hugged good-bye until next time. (Halloween Zombie Walk in October - yay!!!)
It was a great week and I did a lot of soul searching while wandering the streets with my Starbucks lattes, tall, with a shot of vanilla...yum.
I have decided that I hate my small town with no job opportunities, but love my apartment and our lifestyle that is so close to mother earth.
I've also decided that I'd love to live in Toronto, but can't decide if the desire to do so or fear of failure is stronger. Although there are many more job opportunities there than here; although I wouldn't need a car there; the cost of living is much higher than here. Plus the fact that I'm not sure about raising a teenager on my own in Toronto. I have been blessed with the most easy-going, confident and socially adaptable hatchling you could ever imagine. She's up for anything, anytime. The kid would board a plane and move to Australia tomorrow.
The one thing I dislike about being a single mom, is that all the decision making falls on my shoulders. All the big choices and decisions are left solely up to me and it's terrifying sometimes, because I know that I alone am responsible for this child, so I better make the right choices, lead her down the best paths, and do my absolute best not to fuck her up. So far, so good.
Regarding Toronto, there are the dangers, but also the opportunities that our area doesn't offer.
I moved away with hatchling once, when she was 6 years old, to a bigger city with more employment opportunities. But I crashed my car after 2 months of being there, got busted for driving with no insurance, (note to single mothers - always pay car insurance, even if it means going without food). Without a car and knowing only one person there, I hated it, and we moved back home after 7 months, as soon as hatchling completed her school year.
Of course that shook my confidence. I'm not so sure anymore that I could pull off a big relocation, a much bigger world for both of us. And with regards to Toronto, as much as I feel "in my element", I am very uncomfortable going underground and therefore avoid the subways at all costs, also elevators....claustrophobic much?
Anyway....just putting it out there.......
12 comments:
Dammit! I missed you while yu were here! We have to get together when next you come, or when you relocate.
Yes, Toronto is definitely more expensive, some areas more so than others. But, the opportunities are greater for both of you.
Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be the best decision! Hit me up if you need help with anything! :)
((Genie))
Yeah, missed you too, my fault- we were so action-packed, I tried to get in touch with you at the last minute - sorry about that!
Me & Connie had a great time....next time chickie!
Do you hear how awesome you are enough? Because you are. You're making a lot of important decisions that affect both your's and your hatchling's lives. You've done a great job so far, I'm sure you'll choose what's best for you both. <3
love the Remax words juxtaposed on the trash. also, this is prob the fifth blog ive stumbled on with the Wreck jounal...maybe its high time i join the crowd...
it certainly is a big decision but then, life is full of choices, right? i packed up and moved my four kids over to the states for eighteen months, then we came all the way home with a new baby in tow. i look back and i still can't believe that i actually did that....shy, old me...i did it! i guess we draw on strengths we don't even realise we have. know that you can do anything you set your mind to.....if it works out, all well and good.....if it doesn't, it's a great life experience for both you and your hatchling. don't let fear stop you if it's something you truly want ~ :)
Big decisions, mama, and though they are scary, you are wise enough to think with both heart and head, and always with your hatchling first and foremost - it is the best solution, and how comforting for your hatchling.
Oh, and I'm lovin' the sexy-hot-mama banner! Yes to you celebrating YOU in all your beauty!
:-D
(((HUGS))),
Love,
me
you realize that if you moved to toronto, we'd be in the same city.
:D
I've often thought about the move to TO myself... Ya, way more expensive, but imagine the life... It would open up sooo many possibilities for you, you just gotta weigh the pros and cons and take a leap.... Go, the small city will always be here if you decide to come back.
(plus I need a place to stay when i visit TO) lol
Bigger cities have so much pros and cons to put in the balance! It's açlways great concerning culture life (what I miss most here in this tiny place), but the dangers while raising a teenager had a big weight for my own decision. Your advantage is to have your brother around, it surely gives a sense of safety... Take your time to decide, thigns tend to be harder as you had just returned from the city.
But the main reason I came here today is to THANK YOU SO MUCH! I tried to email you, but you know how my email is... Two days before Lucas' b-day, we've got your package!!!!! I wish you could see his big shout of joy when he got the marbles! He went straight to my mom to show her the beautiful set! Boho, it was like gold in his hands, his first set of marbles. Thank you for giving him this wonderful pleasure, he's so jealous of it now! LOL Love you for this simple and pwerful gift. And, of course, we looooooved the bell!!!!!! It's already on my altar waiting to be used on the next new moon's ritual (Lucas rings it everyday several times, though...).
Many kisses and hugs with love from us.
Big decisions indeed! You are so conscious about the choices you make! Do you do 'pro/con' lists?? I think of when my neice was trying to get her massage license, & the main opportunity was to drive to Portland, about an hour N of her, but in the evenings. Her kids were young, & she worked during the day. Then a friend was moving to Eugene, about 2 hours S (she'd grown up in our nice, mid size town) . . . where they offered training thru the local Community College, & lots of DAY classes!
I had her do a pro/con list, & the main con? She was scared! But since she didn't want her kids to avoid doing things just because they were scary - did it!
Her kids ended up loving the schools, she could work part time & fin her massage training & licensing; . . . her son's now 19 & she ended up staying there longer than she 'planned' because they were doing so well - one of the nice things about bigger cities is the choices available for schools, etc :)
& I SO like being in a smaller place myself, but envy the food choices, etc. she has available :)
Anyway - know you'll do just great, as you always do! Blessings n hugs
Welcome Back!!!!!
I know it's hard making the decisions alone, but you are awesome and I know that whatever you decide it will be what's best for you both.
Hugs!!
yeah, you are right there is a total tradeoff between small town and big city. My choice was easier because I was single and such when I moved to dallas (and I hated my home town and there is no way I'd ever live there again)-and my focus was pretty much solely on making a good income.
Having said that, I definitely find that I need to get back to nature regularly to recharge from living around all this concrete-we camp often and visit my parents and get out of the zoo. Maybe that could work for you-instead of trips there, you'd be taking trips away from there.
And I'm fortunate that our city has also made plenty of room for parks and lakes that truly feel like getting away when I need to recharge quickly.
Regardless of the decision, I know and affirm it will be the right one for you.
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